Life might suck now. But it should get better...

Think for a second about the older people you know – whether they’re your parents, neighbors, colleagues or friends. Are they happy? The evidence suggests that we can learn a lot about happiness from the older members of our communities.

Economics professors Dr. Andrew Oswald from Warwick Business School and Dr. David Blanchflower from Dartmouth College studied a wealth of data from 72 countries. They noted a “U-bend” in happiness – people started life very happy, bottomed out in midlife, then reported increasing happiness until they died. By age 70 they were happier than when they were 18. For those who lived to 80, they were considerably happier than those at age 70. The findings were that “in the great majority of countries people are at their unhappiest in their 40s and early 50s. The global average is 46.”

Other fascinating research confirms these findings, and gets more specific on age and emotion: “Enjoyment and happiness dip in middle age, then pick up; stress rises during the early 20s, then falls sharply; worry peaks in middle age, and falls sharply thereafter; anger declines throughout life; sadness rises slightly in middle age, and falls thereafter.”

Even when researchers control for factors such as having children, wealth, or what your life experience might have been in your particular country, the U-bend remains.

What can the most experienced humans in our society teach us about happiness?

Older people really do become wiser. The Economist notes that older people are better at resolving conflict, controlling their emotions, accepting misfortune, and keeping their calm. According to Stanford psychology professor Dr. Laura Carstensen, “the old know they are closer to death…they grow better at living for the present. They come to focus on things that matter now—such as feelings—and less on long-term goals.”

This makes sense to me. I’ll be 55 years old in a few months. I still have many exciting hopes, dreams, and plans for the rest of my life. But I no longer expect that some day I’ll be a journalist on TV’s 60 Minutes, the U.S. ambassador to France, or a U.S. Supreme Court justice. Even though I have a coveted MBA degree from Stanford, I will never be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a founder of a cutting edge Silicon Valley startup, or a billionaire. Believe it or not, I once considered all of these accomplishments as possible goals for myself.

Instead, after I got my cancer diagnosis at age 49, and hit rock bottom in various aspects of my life, I decided that I would focus much more on family, friends, and community, as well as do work which was really purposeful for me. This meant giving up on a few of the dreams of my earlier life, and embracing the beautiful possibilities of the now. (You can learn more by asking “What Does the World Need from You?”)

Or, as American novelist Edna Ferber writes, “Being an old maid is like death by drowning – a really delightful sensation when you ceased struggling.”

According to research, others feel this way, too. A 2013 study by the National Council of Aging reported “When asked what is most important to maintaining a high quality of life in their senior years, staying connected to friends and family was the top choice of 4 in 10 seniors, ahead of having financial means (30 percent).”

So if you happen to be in your 20s or 30s, you can anticipate that life might continue to get more challenging for the foreseeable future. (But you should still Enjoy the Journey!) If you’re in your late 40s or older, then chances are good that you’ll be happier and happier with each passing year – until you have no more years at all! (It’s OK. It happens to all of us…; – )

What do you think? In the comments section, let me know if your life experiences confirm what this research has found. Also, this is a draft of a sub-chapter from my upcoming book, which I’m writing right now. Contact me if you’d like to learn more about it.

Thanks,

Jim

P.S. You might like this short video from Alvina Antar, CIO of Zuora, about my Happiness Workshop: